Baby, you're making me tired....

Sunday June 17

Eight days ago Johnny and I got married and it was without a doubt the best day of our lives.

We both said it will only be topped by the little one being born but we’ve still got three months to get our heads around that as neither of us has stopped for the last couple of weeks.

Our first week of married life has been hectic and we have barely spent any time with each other.

In fact, as I write this Johnny is at his older brother’s with his family celebrating Father’s Day and I have just finished work for the weekend.

Both of us went back to work on Wednesday. Neither of us was happy about this but it would have been a massive waste of holiday to take the extra days when our honeymoon doesn’t start until tomorrow.

Plus, I have been down on the rota to work the weekend since the beginning of the year so it’s not like I didn’t know it was coming.

I think the problem was that I didn’t realise quite how tired I was going to be. The baby is growing and weighed 1lb 8ozs as of Thursday when we went four our second scan.

It’s also the wriggliest thing in the world and this week I have, among many other pokes and kicks, been jabbed in the ribs and my bladder has been used as a bongo drum – at least that’s what it feels like.

Even the sonographer got booted by the baby when she tried to have a look at it.

People don’t usually get scans at 25 weeks but because I found out so late they just wanted to check everything was growing as it should be – which it is.

Even its legs aren’t in the far bottom percentile any more which I think Johnny was happy about.

But the tiredness is overwhelming at times. I feel ready to drop by 3pm most days which is no good when you’re working and then on call until 10.30pm.

Yesterday I was up at 6.30am to do calls before getting the train to London, working an 11-hour shift and finally getting back home at 10.30pm.

I’ve said I’d do a double double shift in London when we get back from our honeymoon. I’m hoping I will be more relaxed so I’ll be able to last longer during the day but it does worry me that I won’t be able to keep my eyes open.

I think a lot of the tiredness has been down to this post-wedding week. I have had a lot of stress to deal with which means I haven’t really slept properly. I’ve had between four and five hours a night and it’s really starting to catch up with me. I have never needed a holiday so much in my life.

I am also looking forward to spending some quality time with my husband so we can relax and finally talk about what we need to do before the baby arrives.

It’s getting stronger every day and the kicks are getting harder. Its face has also changed over the past couple of weeks and its features looked different during the second scan. It was lovely to see it again and I still can’t believe it’s in there.

Johnny is getting more and more excited about becoming a father each day and loves talking to my belly. He’s going to make such an amazing dad and I love the fact that I am growing this little person that is made up of bits of me and him.

When we were told I couldn’t conceive the thought of not being able to give him a child broke my heart.

And although it would have devastated me, I gave him the option of leaving so he could find someone who could give him a child of his own. But he looked at me like I was mental and told me there was no way he would ever do that.

Now I can’t wait to meet this little one, although when he or she gets here I have no idea what we’re meant to do. But I suppose that’s what it’s all about.

The first signs of life....

Wednesday June 6

It’s been a bit of a hectic time over the past two weeks but I have finally found a spare moment to write another blog entry.

The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur for both me and Johnny as we’ve had so much going on.

For the first week we totally forgot about our wedding and almost became ambivalent about the whole thing. It’s been difficult to get out heads back into it but we have and now, with only three days to go, we seem to be getting there.

But, back to the baby.

Following our surprising announcement we had so many lovely messages and offers of help with baby stuff, which was amazing.

My friends who have kids have lent me books, given me advice and shed a tear with me over the fact that something we thought was unlikely to happen actually has.

But the two best bits were booking in with the midwife and then seeing our baby for the first time.

On Saturday May 26, Johnny and I went to the antenatal department at the Royal Sussex County Hospital to have our first appointment with the midwife.

She talked us through stuff, took blood, made me wee in a pot, measured my bump and then the best bit came – we got to listen to the baby’s heartbeat.

I had heard it on the day I found out at the doctors but this was Johnny’s first time and he was so excited.

As I lay on the bed looking at Johnny the midwife picked up the baby’s heartbeat and it was one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

Watching Johnny’s eyes well up and the tears fall down his face as he heard the first signs of life of our son or daughter for the first time was really emotional.

My whole body just swelled with love for him and as I reached out to hold his hand I wanted to hold him in my arms and protect him forever. I know this sounds incredibly cheesy but that is how I felt.

I think there’s something about hearing a heartbeat that’s quite raw as you know that that is what is helping to keep the little person inside you alive (along with me and the umbilical cord).

The other best bit was our scan on the afternoon of Tuesday May 29. Having been quite tearful at the hospital on Saturday I was expecting the scan to be just as emotional but it wasn’t, it was just fascinating.

Both of us were massively excited all morning and I could tell Johnny wasn’t concentrating much because he kept sending me emails every five minutes telling me how much he couldn’t wait to see the baby.

The poor sonographer, who was very nice but quite matter of fact, must get bored of couples going: “Wow, that’s amazing!”, but in all honesty, it is.

The little one was waving at us when we first saw it and continued to have a good old wriggle throughout the scan.

The sonographer pointed out its arms, legs, knees, feet, arms and hands. She checked its face and you could see its brain, spine and ribs as well as its heart beating.

The heart is the size of a walnut at the moment by the way. It was absolutely fascinating.

She checked the heart and we watched the blood flow through all four chambers, she checked the kidneys and all the other vital organs to make sure everything was as it should be – which it was.

When it came to checking the bladder both Johnny and I turned away from the screen as we have decided we don’t want to know the sex of the baby until its born.

The weirdest part was when she started doing cross-sections of it by going down through the brain. It’s weird to think we have seen the inside of our child’s body and I don’t think there is any other time in your life when you will see the whole of a person in that much detail.

Away from all the hospital stuff my belly has got a lot bigger over the past couple of weeks and the baby’s kicks are getting much stronger.

Both Johnny and I often talk to the bump and stroke it, and I have apologised to the baby for not knowing it was there for the first five months of its life.

It must be a pretty strong little thing though to have taken what it needed to build itself without me realising it was there and I find that absolutely amazing.

Today, when I was sat covering a trial at Lewes Crown Court I looked down and I swear I saw my tummy move slightly where an arm or a leg was pushing against it. Part of me still can’t believe I am pregnant.

But the other lovely thing is that on Saturday I will be marrying my best friend, the father of my child and the love of my life.

If you told me three years ago that this would be happening to me I wouldn’t have believed you, but it is, and I have never been happier or more content than I am right now.