The first signs of life....

Wednesday June 6

It’s been a bit of a hectic time over the past two weeks but I have finally found a spare moment to write another blog entry.

The past couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur for both me and Johnny as we’ve had so much going on.

For the first week we totally forgot about our wedding and almost became ambivalent about the whole thing. It’s been difficult to get out heads back into it but we have and now, with only three days to go, we seem to be getting there.

But, back to the baby.

Following our surprising announcement we had so many lovely messages and offers of help with baby stuff, which was amazing.

My friends who have kids have lent me books, given me advice and shed a tear with me over the fact that something we thought was unlikely to happen actually has.

But the two best bits were booking in with the midwife and then seeing our baby for the first time.

On Saturday May 26, Johnny and I went to the antenatal department at the Royal Sussex County Hospital to have our first appointment with the midwife.

She talked us through stuff, took blood, made me wee in a pot, measured my bump and then the best bit came – we got to listen to the baby’s heartbeat.

I had heard it on the day I found out at the doctors but this was Johnny’s first time and he was so excited.

As I lay on the bed looking at Johnny the midwife picked up the baby’s heartbeat and it was one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

Watching Johnny’s eyes well up and the tears fall down his face as he heard the first signs of life of our son or daughter for the first time was really emotional.

My whole body just swelled with love for him and as I reached out to hold his hand I wanted to hold him in my arms and protect him forever. I know this sounds incredibly cheesy but that is how I felt.

I think there’s something about hearing a heartbeat that’s quite raw as you know that that is what is helping to keep the little person inside you alive (along with me and the umbilical cord).

The other best bit was our scan on the afternoon of Tuesday May 29. Having been quite tearful at the hospital on Saturday I was expecting the scan to be just as emotional but it wasn’t, it was just fascinating.

Both of us were massively excited all morning and I could tell Johnny wasn’t concentrating much because he kept sending me emails every five minutes telling me how much he couldn’t wait to see the baby.

The poor sonographer, who was very nice but quite matter of fact, must get bored of couples going: “Wow, that’s amazing!”, but in all honesty, it is.

The little one was waving at us when we first saw it and continued to have a good old wriggle throughout the scan.

The sonographer pointed out its arms, legs, knees, feet, arms and hands. She checked its face and you could see its brain, spine and ribs as well as its heart beating.

The heart is the size of a walnut at the moment by the way. It was absolutely fascinating.

She checked the heart and we watched the blood flow through all four chambers, she checked the kidneys and all the other vital organs to make sure everything was as it should be – which it was.

When it came to checking the bladder both Johnny and I turned away from the screen as we have decided we don’t want to know the sex of the baby until its born.

The weirdest part was when she started doing cross-sections of it by going down through the brain. It’s weird to think we have seen the inside of our child’s body and I don’t think there is any other time in your life when you will see the whole of a person in that much detail.

Away from all the hospital stuff my belly has got a lot bigger over the past couple of weeks and the baby’s kicks are getting much stronger.

Both Johnny and I often talk to the bump and stroke it, and I have apologised to the baby for not knowing it was there for the first five months of its life.

It must be a pretty strong little thing though to have taken what it needed to build itself without me realising it was there and I find that absolutely amazing.

Today, when I was sat covering a trial at Lewes Crown Court I looked down and I swear I saw my tummy move slightly where an arm or a leg was pushing against it. Part of me still can’t believe I am pregnant.

But the other lovely thing is that on Saturday I will be marrying my best friend, the father of my child and the love of my life.

If you told me three years ago that this would be happening to me I wouldn’t have believed you, but it is, and I have never been happier or more content than I am right now.