Passing due dates and mother's guilt

Mother’s guilt is a terrible thing.

It strikes when you least expect it and makes you feel awful, usually for situations which are beyond your control.

I have been having full on attacks of it this week when it comes to Arlo.

I am worried about being in hospital and away from him when baby’s born but more than anything I feel bad about not being able to do what I normally would with him while I am heavily pregnant.

Today is my due date. I have reached that magic number of 40 weeks pregnant but this baby is showing no signs of making an entrance into the world any time soon.

I am shattered, I am uncomfortable, I get out of breath walking up and down the stairs, I waddle when I walk and I feel like I have a bowling ball in between my legs.

None of this is conducive to running around after a toddler.

In the last week I have found getting around more difficult, uncomfortable and at times painful as my pelvis feels like it’s splitting in half.

Fortunately, Arlo is at nursery on Monday and Tuesday and Johnny is at home on a Wednesday which means I don’t have to move around too much. But trying to fill our time on a Thursday and Friday is becoming more of a challenge.

I feel terrible keeping him in when the weather’s so nice but a walk to the park and then lifting him in and out of things is not doable at the moment. I also can’t chase after him if he runs off.

This morning my lovely mother-in-law came to the rescue and entertained him at home for an hour before taking him to the park where he picked me daisies and then put them in my pocket when he got home.

Tomorrow, Johnny is working from home so there will be help there if I need it.

But I am finding it incredibly frustrating not being able to do the things I normally would and although I know Arlo’s fine and happy, it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty about it.

My mental, raging hormones aren’t helping matters either. In the past week I’ve gone from not wanting to get out of bed, to crying, to snappy, and then back to feeling my usual self.

I know this is all completely normal but I am so tired that I just want this baby out now.

Arlo was already nine days old by the time I reached 40 weeks in my first pregnancy and I had kind of set that as a milestone for this baby’s birth.

Now I am into the unknown and part of me is absolutely terrified about what comes next.

I just have to keep everything crossed (apart from my legs) in the hope that she arrives before next Tuesday when I am booked in to see the midwife and the subject of medical intervention is likely to be top of the agenda.