Waiting for the unknown...

It feels like we’re in a weird sort of limbo at the moment.

I am almost 38 weeks pregnant and am now on maternity leave. We’ve been clearing out all of our crap from the flat to make way for our little boy.

I’ve washed most of his clothes, bought nappies and all the other bits we need, packed my hospital bag, the moses basket is set up next to my side of the bed waiting for this little person to sleep in it, and now we just wait.

Both of us know that our life together as we know it is about to be turned upside down in the most amazing way possible, but we have no idea what it’s going to be like.

So, for the moment we are just Ruth and Johnny, aged 32 and 33 respectively, carrying on with our lives while waiting for this little person to come along and change it forever.

We are both excited and can’t wait to meet the little chap, and terrified at the same time. Neither of us knows how to be a parent. There is no manual, and the fact that we are going to be entirely responsible for this tiny, helpless little human being that we have made is overwhelming at times.

I have sat for hours wondering which bits of me and which bits of Johnny he will have, what he will be like, whether he’s got any hair, and what he will smell like. I’m looking forward to giving him a cuddle and a big sniff.

I wonder how it will feel the first time I see him and he’s put into my arms. I worry that I won’t get that huge rush of love people talk about despite the fact that he is more wanted by the both of us than he could ever know.

It’s made me understand how it must have been for my parents before I was born. It’s made me look at them in a different light – as the people they were before I came along rather than my mum and dad. And I’ve realised that they would have felt exactly the same as I do now.

Johnny thinks he is going to arrive at the weekend, which would be ten days before our due date. I’m not so sure.

We know his name. In fact, we have known his name since before we knew he was inside me. We tell people that he may be called something different if he doesn’t look like the name we have decided to give him but I think it highly unlikely as I cannot imagine calling our little boy anything else now. So, hopefully, by September 26 we will have introduced Arlo Jonathan Parfitt to the world.

The other thing I need to sort out is my birth plan. I really should have written it by now but we have had all sorts of appointments as he’s still breech and refusing to turn round.

Last week I went for an External Cephalic Version (ECV) to try and turn him but his bum is still stuck in my pelvis and he seems perfectly happy that way round.

I have still opted for a natural birth although him being breech makes it a bit more dangerous and complicated – most women book in for a caesarean.

In the mean time I have tried all sorts of things to turn him including moxibustion, spending a lot of time on all fours with my bum in the air and bouncing around on my birthing ball. I’m hoping he’ll still turn on his own although he seems to like wedging his head right up under my ribs at the moment which is incredibly painful.

Yesterday I took me and the bump for a lovely but very cold swim in the sea near to the West Pier on Brighton beach. It was great floating around and taking the weight off as even walking into town tires me out now. It also takes me bloody ages to walk anywhere as he’s getting really heavy and my hips and pelvis are really starting to feel it.

I do wonder what it will be like when he’s no longer inside me and I know I will miss feeling him move and kick. But the thought of his daddy being able to have a cuddle with him is the best thing in the world and I can’t wait to see them together.

So, we are just back to waiting now. I have stuff planned for most days but it’s quite weird seeing friends who, when it comes to saying bye to them, could be seeing me for the last time without the little one in tow.

Most sentences include the phrase, “we’ll be there, if he hasn’t been born by then”. It’s strange yet exhilarating at the same time and I cannot wait for the next chapter in our lives to begin.